Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
