she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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