My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
