that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
