is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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