Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
