Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
