Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
