I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
