yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
