U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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