Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
