It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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