Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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