I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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