just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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