That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
