wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
