So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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