what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
