It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
