We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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