I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
