I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
