He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
