Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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