I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
