My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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