I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
