I faked an abortion last night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
