She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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