Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
