Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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