ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
