I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
