i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
