Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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