She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
