Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
