i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
