Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
