He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
