I didn't shave. On purpose
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
