You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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