oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
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