Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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