her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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