Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
