Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
