If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
