I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
