Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
