It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
