i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
