I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize