is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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