): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
even my farts smell like vagina
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
