from now on my penis is your penis
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
