Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
