he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
