I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
