Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
