I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize