I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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