Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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