we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
