Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
