you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
