I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
