we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
