This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Everclear isn't food dammit
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
