You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
