Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You can't just leave with hair like that
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i out mim tonsoeep
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