I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
